Forever losing you
by tennants-midnight-wolf
Summary: The Doctor has a nightmare and Clara comforts him. Hurt/comfort, implied/ referenced character death


**A/N~** This is set after Last Christmas but before series nine.

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"Clara!"

The Doctors gruff Scottish accent echoed around them as he watched the ice crystal creature drag her out of the TARDIS. He lunged forward trying to grab her, to save her. But instead felt himself tumble down through the metal grille flooring. Where he landed with a thud, that sent a stab of pain through his entire body.

He lifted his head with a groan, and noticed he was in a massive library. Pushing himself up with his arms, he looked around. He wasn't just in a library he was standing in the Library. The planet where he had once took Donna when the Vashta Nerada had already began to hatch; He was alone.

The sun was setting and darkness had began to creep down around him. He tiptoed around, making sure he stayed clear of the shadows, and the impeding darkness. He pivoted on the spot and noticed a petite women slumped against the bookcase. She hadn't been there before. He edged closer seeing the white protective suit she wore was like what River Song and the others on the expedition had worn. Hers was still in tact. It must've gotten inside somehow.

"Run." She spoke in an eerie whisper that signified she was ghosting. Repeating the first word over several times, the device trying to relay back the message with difficulty. The lights on the collar of her suit blinking out one by one.

"Run! Run you clever boy and remember!"

His hearts froze in terror. He took a step back horrified, felt himself trip and then he was falling. This time he landed in the Console room. He turned around hearing voices and watched as Clara left him. This time she was angry, so angry at his actions. For leaving her when she needed him most, for making her choose wether to kill the moon or save it. Her body was trembling, tears threatening to leave her already glistening eyes, as she told him to stay away. He watched her spin on her heel and march out of the space/ time machine, making to move after her. He wouldn't make the same mistake, not twice.

He ran out of the doors and straight onto a busy London street. Watching as the people bustled past going about their daily chores. That's when he saw the police box, and the back of Clara's head. This was their last goodbye, before Christmas. The ancient grinding of those engines drifted around him as the box dematerialised out of view and so did Clara. As she made her way through the crowd of people back to a ordinary life.

"Clara!"

He shouted after her but she couldn't hear him. He moved forward. But with every step she seemed to recede further away from him. Until he was kneeling on the floor in defeat at the exertion from chasing her. He held his face in his hands. He was an idiot. He'd become too alien. Preferring not to deal with over complicated emotions. Putting up walls as to block her out. When really all he wanted was to let in her. Instead he let her go.

"Doctor!"

Her voice broke through his stupor, raising his head alert. She was in distress, something was wrong. He got up slowly, too slowly. Why did his body not seem to move quick enough? Turning around hearing the shrill robotic voice echo around him.

EX-TER-MIN-ATE!

He saw the gun burst into life, the light engulfing her petite frame, striking her squarely in the chest. Saw the flicker of shock etch across her face, her lips shaping his name. As the light flared and fizzled out, leaving her body standing there for a second as if nothing had happened. Then she crumpled to the ground. Lifeless.

His voice harsh and loud as he scrambled towards her body. All thoughts of the immediate danger around him leaving his mind. All that existed in this moment was him and her and how he was too late to stop her leaving him again, this time for good.

"Doctor! Doctor, wake up!"

He latched onto the voice, his silvery eyes shooting open to meet round brown ones. He recognised them instantly and felt hot tears prickling against his eyes wanting freedom.

"Clara?"

His throat was dry, taking a deep breath feeling the cool air fill his lungs. His voice was quiet, hoarse, he looked around his surroundings coming into focus. He was lying in bed, the covers strewn around him drenched in sweat. He wiped a hand across his forehead calming himself, slowing his heart rate back to normal. He was vaguely aware he was shaking and felt a wave of shame cross over him. He was having a nightmare, that's all. It wasn't real. It wasn't real.

"Shh, it's ok."

He looked up, she was worried about him. He could see it in her eyes, in the way she shifted her weight from each foot. She had taken on this demeanour, like she had done this before. Then he remembered that she probably had with Angie and Artie.

"I'm sorry if I disturbed you." He replied automatically. "It was just a…dream. That's all."

"It didn't seem like just a dream." She retorted gently. "More like a…nightmare." She paused cautiously before saying it. Did Time Lords even have nightmares? They must've, he couldn't have been in this state otherwise.

"It's fine. It wasn't real. It's OK." He wanted her to accept this, to turn around and bid him goodnight. He didn't want her to pry but this was his Clara and he should've known better. She perched on the bed edge beside him. "What was it about?"

He wouldn't look her in the eye because then she would know the truth. "Im fine, I'm sorry for waking you. Now please go get some sleep, I'll be fine." He foreigned a smile. He was repeating himself too much. Trying to convince not only her but himself.

"You didn't wake me, I was already awake. I heard you shouting." She paused. "Doctor, I was in your dream wasn't I?" She cocked her head to one side and he knew he couldn't lie to her. Betray her trust in this way. Not after everything they'd been through. Especially if he had been shouting; he guessed that it was her name. Of course that would cause her to come wandering to his room, to see what the disturbance was.

He hung his head, focusing on one of the white stars on his duvet, before responding. "Yes."

"What happened?" There was a moments pause before he started, but once he did he couldn't stop.

"I lost you. I'm forever losing you, someway or another. When I first met you, well one of your echoes, I lost you to the Daleks. I know that wasn't exactly you, though it felt like you. Now ever since then something's always happened to separate us. I know we've been given a second chance. Yet I… I can't bear the thought if something else were to happen…". He trails off, his gaze unfocused. He was telling her everything. Unveiling his dreams was almost like telling her the truth. About the way he felt for her. How he would feel when the inevitable catches up with them both. He felt her hand lift his chin, forcing him to look at her.

"It's alright. I understand." She knew what he meant. Hadn't the exact same thought crossed her mind several times since their reunion. The odd twisted nightmares, where he'd end up regenerating but with a featureless face or never reaching that next stage. His body inflicting too much damage, too far gone to even heal or renew himself. "But you know what?" His eyebrows drew together confused at her question. She can see his mind working trying to unravel it, unsure of what he's missed. He goes to open his mouth when she leans forward her hand caressing his cheek as she presses her warm lips to his cool ones. Her way of conveying her feelings to him, hoping that he'd understand. Proof that this was real, not just another dream. She broke the kiss leaning back "I'm right here."

Her gaze was focused albeit reassuring, and the next words leave his mouth subconsciously. "Please, stay." He wasn't sure if he had meant here and now or for the future. All he knew was that he didn't want this to end.

She smiled at him. "I'm not going anywhere."

As she wriggled underneath the covers, nuzzling into his chest feeling the steady beating of his hearts. He pressed a kiss into her forehead, refusing to close his eyes in case this too was just a dream. At least it was one he could cope with. Her fingers wrapped around the spaces between his gripping tightly. All too soon, sleep had caught up with them, but at least this time they were together. This time they needn't be so afraid.

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 **A/N~** So thanks for reading! I'm not sure if I like this or not but figured I'd post it anyway and let you judge it.


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